You know, being a Jew during Christmas really has its perks. For once, you know that your mailbox will be jammed with dozens and dozens of letters from adoring piglets and shrimps from around the world who thank you for not killing them. Be it from Alaska to Florida, they send in their pictures by the dozens, some posing next to national monuments, or taking a stroll in the farm, or just chilling on a rock with their kids for the 4th of July B-BQ. It’s a truly empowering feeling.
But that’s not all. Another excellent reason is the accepted rationale among many Ultra-Orthodox Jews that food eaten on the Sabbath does not convert into fat. Ever. That means that the Sabbath, by its holy connotations, is a fat-free day. Hence, holiness = slimnessticity. So now that Hanukkah is here(ish), it is perfectly, perfectly acceptable for us to deep fry those sufganiyot (donuts) in partially hydrogenated oil normally reserved for car tuning. A great place to indulge in such gastronomical debauchery is Tel Aviv Kosher Bakery (2944 W. Devon). But even if you’re not a believer, go ahead, have a bite, and enjoy. As the famous Jewish paraphrase goes: “Eat, whatever doesn’t kill you, will only only land you a husband”. Happy Holidays Everyone!